I tried to measure myself in your eyes.
I never knew who I was being compared to,
so I always tried to be the best.
I gave you too much power,
always wanting to be all that you desire.
The pressure is heavy now,
in truth it has been for far too long.
It’s not anger anymore.
The hopelessness has become fleeting.
The fear isn’t so much of losing you but that of a looming betrayal.
I heave in my own lies.
No breath can fill the hole that has been left in me.
I would die.
I would lose my mind if you were to leave.
There I go,
giving you the power again.
I can’t let you know that you have it.
So I act dispassionate,
unwilling to let you see that passion is all that I am.
I tell you that I am fine.
I tell myself that I am strong.
I ask for no more lies, even the smallest would break me.
I let you hold me.
You tell me that you’d never.
There is a different truth in your eyes and again, I heave.
I am already broken.